Carly Simon Sings You're So Vain In Honor Of Mitt Romney
One Term Massachusetts Guv Willard Mitt Romney (What a funny name-lol)
Born to a rich guy who was part of that terrible president Nixon's cabinet
George Romney,
Mitt hasn't even had to work or nuthin'
and his rich Dad got him into Harvard and paid for his law degree
so he's just another real rich lawyer.
Hi everybody! It's me again! L I S A ! ! ! Yay! How r ya? It's been awhile. Hope everthing's been ok with you. It has with me! Not only that, Mitt Romney came to my state and Mommy took me to talk to him and I got to ask him a bunch of questions just like I did with Congersman Bunk! Mitt sure IS a funny name, huh? I think a Mitt should look like this:
Sheteeheehehehahaha! Politishuns are fun to play with! They're really silly most of 'em! Espeshally Mittster! LOL! He thinks he's really handsome, and that's why he's running I think. I think he thinks he can win for President cuz he looks good, and if he can just not say anything and not get in trouble that he thinks he'll win! That's his campaign stratergy! (shhhh....I think President Obama looks perty good, way better'n Mitt, btw, lol--don't say I said that). Mitt was guverner for 4 years of Massachusetts in New England. That's it. He got mad in 2008 when he ran for President the last time because Barack 'didn't have experience' even though Barack was re-elected state senator over and over and was in the US Senate. Mitt has no experience. And he lost for President last time big-time! LOL. And now he's runnin' again. He's a silly man. OK. Let me see if I can do this. Drum roll, please...
Lisa: Welcome Mr. Mitt. I'm sure glad you're here. How r ya?
Mitt Romney: Glad to be here Lisa. Sure is warm in here, isn't it! Phew! My mascara isn't running is it? Are you gonna be taking pictures, because I think I put on a bit too much blush this morning and want to have my make-up artist do a touch-up ifya do. Ok honey? It's hard for a 64 year old guy to look like this all the time, yaknow?
Lisa: I hafta warn you Guv that I'm gonna take the mitts off [I really lol-ed inside when I said that to Mr. Mitt-- *wink*] when I ask ya my questions, ok?
Mitt Romney: You can ask anything you want, little Lisa. I have a security detail that's been trained by the same guys who protect Sharrrrron Angle and Newt Gingrich in case anyone asks a serious question I don't want to answer AND I keep myself in pretty good shape so I can run fast enough to stay one step ahead of a questioner, and you seem to have pretty short legs.
Mitt Romney: I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints, and as such, just like my father before me, George, I went overseas to spread the good news of the Gospel.
Lisa: Here's a picture of a dead Palestinian kid my age MR. MITT!!! You are avoiding saying ennything ennyhow ya can about war and cutting weapons and stuff. You claim to be a Christian, supported the war in Vietnam, but didn't have the guts to go fight it yerself. And look at all these coffins of heroes who died in Iraq who had the guts to do what THEY believed in and died so you can run your selfish campaign!!!
Lisa: How do you sleep at night Mr. Mitt? How???
Mitt Romney: Huh?
Lisa: And how about healthcare. You passed a real good law to give everbody in your state doctors and stuff, because your legislacher was Democratic and it passed easy. Then ya decided to run for President in 2007 and switched yer idea on it overnight so you could win, but you didn't even win and now yer runnin' again!
Lisa: So what exactly IS your real opinion on whether everbody should get to see a doctor if they need to?
Mitt Romney: Ummm. Uh. Well... I happen to believe that a fixed position is indicative of a closed-minded approach, and while the bill passed during my single 4 year term as governor of Massachusetts included universal participation and mandated participation that...
Lisa: Gobbletygook!!! You're cut off on that question! Next topic. Under the last Republican President, Dubya, the economy stunk! STUNK!!! You're saying cut money for poor people who need it, cut taxes for rich people like you, and keep spending trillions on guns and bombs. When you were governor you cut money for poor people who needed it and raised taxes galore but called them 'fees' instead!!! Under Doctor (lol) President Obama, the greatest President on Earth, instead of "The Great Recession" the Republicans gave Mommy and Daddy to try to feed me and keep our house and their jobs, AND losing jobs every month, the economy is growing and we're getting more and more jobs each month. Why not just give it up and admit he's doing a great job and not run? He even got Bin Laden for Pete's sake, Mr. Mitt! Just stop running all the time and endorse him why dontcha?
Mitt Romney: (Changes shoes to his Nikes) Security, Security!!! We're going for a jog, guys! I'll see ya later Lisa!
After that Mr. Mitt left real quick.
And Mommy and me,
we hugged
and hugged
and hugged!
The End Again
and
Amen Everbody
1) Ending the reign of terror that was Osama Bin Laden.
2) Ending Don't Ask Don't Tell- The official Defense Department policy of legal discrimination against gay and lesbian heros.
3) Negotiating and passing through the U.S. Senate the START treaty with Russia.
4) Passage of the highly successful $700billion TARP bill.
5) Passage of the first-step Health Care Reform Act of 2010.
6) Removing 100,000 of our bravest and best from harm's way in Iraq.
7) Getting a $20 billion down payment from BP before the spill was even over.
8) Intimidating Tony "Wayward" Hayward into resigning as the immoral head of BP, taking a demotion and hiding out in Putin's Russia to avert prosecution by Attorney General Eric Holder.
9) Naming 2 women in a row to the U.S. Supreme court with brains.
10) Having a brain himself as President, post-George Dubya Bush. Refreshing, huh?
0 comments:
Post a Comment